The many lessons learned at River Creek Golf Course

Where did you pick up those important life lessons? You know, the ones that teach you how to act in a civilized way. And the ones that let you accept the bad and the good. And the ones that build character?

I’m sure we have all had teachers or coaches to thank for not letting us be liars or cheaters or bullies. And our teammates and peers were there to knock us down if we got to bragging about how smart or good we were. A lot of those lessons also came from our parents and grandparents.

Many years ago there was a clever and wise book. I think the title was All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

Playing golf has reminded me of some of those important lessons. So I guess I could title this, “Everything that I Forgot from Kindergarten, I Relearned at River Creek Golf Course.”

So this is a humorous, tongue in cheek look at how sometimes golf can teach us things that cross over to other aspects of life.

1. In golf, as in life, focus is important, e.g. — Keep your head down and watch the &% #* ball! e.g — When you are driving your car, keep your eyes on the road and not on the &%*# cell phone!

2. Maintain your composure. e.g. — Do not throw your clubs. It’s not their fault you made a crappy shot. The only people allowed to throw temper tantrums are three year-olds, professional tennis players and the current POTUS.

3. Be generous with your compliments. e.g. — “Great sand shot! I never dreamed you would get out of that bunker in only three shots!” e.g. — Tell your wife how stunning she looks before she spends a half hour in the morning putting on her face.

4. Offer encouraging words to others. e. g. — When your partner hits two drives out of bounds, tell him, “I bet you can’t do that three times in a row!” e.g. — When your husband remembers to put the toilet seat down at night, give him a pat on the head and say, “Good boy!”

5. Broaden your interests. e.g. — Life is too short to be spending more than two days a week playing golf or four hours playing a video game. Read a book, take a nature walk, write a letter to an old friend, clean up the dog poop in the yard.

6. Honesty is usually the best policy. e.g. — If you “accidentally” miscount your score as a “5,” tell the scorer that it was really a “6,” when your conscience kicks in. Liars and cheaters — George Santos — only come out ahead if POTUS has their backs.

7. Remember that golf is like a box of chocolates. (Oh wait, that’s Forest Gump!)

8. Never give advice to your partner. e. g. — You have just made it impossible on yourself not to chunk your next shot. e.g. — When your wife asks you how dinner is, don’t say, “Well, the meat is a little tough, maybe you can tenderize it next time.”

9. Do not puff yourself up. e.g. — If you have just hit the longest drive of your life on hole # 6, don’t say, “Well, I crushed that one!” Because invariably, your partner will outdrive you by at least 30 yards. e.g. — If you have gotten a high mark on a cognition test, don’t declare yourself a “genius.”

10. Staying in and enjoying the moment is important. e.g. — Pressure may have formed the diamond but on a golf course it causes a three putt or worse. e.g. — If a beautiful rainbow shows up in the sky, turn the TV off and walk outside to enjoy it.

11. Have fun even if you are doing poorly. e.g. — My son-in-law has a blast finding lost balls when he plays golf. e.g. — Skip stones across the water when the fish aren’t biting.

12. Learn from your mistakes. e.g. — If you never reach the green on hole # 3 by using a six iron, stop being macho and use your five wood. e.g. — If several million or so people participate in ”No Kings Day” protests, maybe you should do some self-reflection on how you are abusing power and becoming a Putin.

13. Don’t blame other people or make excuses. e.g. — If you make a five putt on green # 8, don’t blame the groundskeeper or Scott just because the green has a slope better suited for skiing. e.g. — Don’t keep blaming Joe Biden for inflation. Eventually people will catch on that you never accept responsibility for the consequences of your own actions.

14. Keep the right perspective. e.g. — Practice is a good idea but you will never be as good as you want to be. e.g. — You will never be a Jeopardy champion, so enjoy the 10 or 12 answers you get right.

15. Remember that things could be worse . e.g. — If you are having a bad round of golf, you could be going to work trying to explain grammar and literature to a class full of kids who act as if English is a foreign language. e.g. — If you are teaching that class, you could be doing a body cleanse at home and getting ready for a colonoscopy.

16. Find humor even when it isn’t funny. e.g. — If you keep hitting into the trees, put some of the branches that you knock down in your golf bag for firewood. e.g. — If the escalator stops as soon as you step on it, smile and throw your hands in the air and say, “Oh well, I guess somebody thinks I need the exercise.”

17. Plan things out carefully. e.g. — If you tend to slice your drives, on hole number 5, aim to the left so you miss the pond, but not so far that you hit the trees. e.g. — If you are impulsively enamored with the power at your disposal, think about how you will end a war before you start it.

18. Clean up your messes. e.g. — That means repairing ball marks and divots on the golf course. e.g. — That means not throwing your candy wrappers, plastic bottles and stinking garbage all over the scenic trail you are hiking on!

19. Do not crowd the ones in front of you. e.g. — Wait until they are off the green to hit your approach shot. e.g. — Don’t play bumper tag with me just because I am going only five miles over the speed limit.

20. Always offer help — within the rules. e.g. —Remind your fellow golfer that he is teeing off from the wrong T box before he hits his drive, not after. e.g. — Go ahead and flash your car lights at me if there is a Highway Patrolman lurking ahead (even though I am going just 5 MPH over the speed limit).

21. Don’t be a sore loser. e.g. — Shake hands with your opponent who has just won by 18 shots. e.g. — Set a good example for the children in America and shake hands with the candidate who beats you in an election.

22. If you are a Democrat, never ever talk politics on the golf course or in the clubhouse. However, the members at River Creek always impressed me that they have enough common sense and faith in fair play to realize that the train being driven by an ego-maniac has gone off the tracks.

Bob Miller is a 48-year resident of the mountain area and a former English teacher, football/baseball coach at Yosemite High School. He keeps his brain sharp as a Q-tip by substitute teaching at the overly ripe age of 78. He enjoys traveling and taking short hikes with his wife and grandkids. And reading such books as “The Cat in the Hat” and Bill Bryson’s “A Walk in the Woods.” He thinks what the world could use in these crazy times is a good laugh. He can be reached at writerbob46@gmail.com.