A bad break up that’s needed

This feels like the worst break up ever. But a necessary one. As winter begins to recede and gives way to brighter days, I am also experiencing a shifting season. I will be “spring cleaning,” and re-prioritizing — internally.

This means I am putting aside certain commitments, including this monthly column, to make space for things I want to focus on more intentionally. I will also be tucking away the local nonprofit program for widows and widowers that I co-founded five years ago.

I had to ask myself a hard question: Do I want to spread myself thin across multiple good things, or devote myself fully to just one — very well? Feeling so off-kilter lately, I had to choose one.

I’ve been playing ping-pong in my brain about letting go of these two loves (writing and serving widows/ers) for quite some time … but when my oldest child turned 13 last month, an epiphany struck me like a lightning bolt.

I’ve got five years left to be the best mom I can be for her. With my son, I have six and a half years left.

During this time, I want to be fully present for my kids — showing up consistently, and cheering them on with all I’ve got.

Not just leftovers.

It’s forever been my “mode of operation” to give 100 percent to everything I do — which is good, in theory — and I’ve been holding steady for five years now. However, juggling too much at once for too long is taking its toll.

The balls are falling.

I’ve been neglecting my health, my friendships and much-needed “me and God” time to stay balanced and centered.

Be assured, I have loved with a great love writing these columns and serving the widows and widowers in this community. My passion is people.

A sincere thank you to everyone — as far away as Spain and as close as Vons in Oakhurst and Grizzly Gas in Mariposa — who have approached me and inspired me to keep on writing during the times I wanted to throw in the towel much sooner than now.

It’s all been for you. My hope is that I have left a trail of inspiration behind, as well as comfort — and maybe even a little bit of fun and some laughs.

For now, as a widow and single mom, I’ve just got to do this. It’s about seizing the time and moving forward with no regrets.

So although this feels like a bad break up, I truly hope it’s temporary. I hope for the opportunity to make a comeback someday — when I can give this work the time and energy it deserves.

To Greg and Nicole Little: you’ve made multiple dreams come true for this gal — helping me start a nonprofit, giving me my big break in the writing world and letting me sit behind the wheel of a hot rod. It’s all been an exhilarating ride!

And talk about spirits of steel. You two deal with so many stressful people and deadlines on the daily, and still maintain composure, continuing to plug along despite it all.

Why? Because you know you’re making a difference in so many lives. I have been one of them.

Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest, but also the most necessary. I will always be grateful for my time with the Mariposa Gazette family and this incredible community.

For now, my work is at home, and that’s exactly where my heart needs to be.

Jessica Varney is a single mom who lives in Mariposa County and is cofounder of the local group Widows/Widowers in Need (W.I.N.). She is also a lover of everything about life — and chocolate. She can be reached at jlajoie79@sbcglobal.net.