The bean counters think we are saps

Are you a Type A personality or a Type B personality?

I ask this question because if people ask me, I usually respond that I am a Type Z. I mean, I took a nap once at the top of a volcano. And once when I was rear-ended on Highway 41, I told the distraught other driver, “Screw it! It’s just a work truck. That little dent in my bumper isn’t worth the hassle of filing an insurance claim. Besides it just adds character to my pickup.”

Do you think that he was relieved? So keep that in mind. My feathers don’t often get ruffled. It may sound like I’m complaining here in the rest of my column, but I’m just making some curious observations.

I recently paid $7.99 for a half gallon of milk — and, no, I’m not blaming it on Donald Trump and his tariff wars with other countries. I mean, the milk came from a cow in California or Nevada.

I’m blaming this on the bean counters at Holiday Inn Resorts. Here’s the set up.

While my wife and I were at their resort at the Ridge overlooking Lake Tahoe, we realized that we did not have any milk for the next morning. I had two options: One, drive seven miles down to the Safeway at the lake and pay about $4 or see if they had milk at the clubhouse store.

Well, golly gee! The clubhouse store had pints for $2.99 or a half gallon for $7.99. Let me digress here a minute. Do stores still think we are all morons and don’t realize that $7.99 is really $8 and not $7? I mean, why not just sell it at $8 and save us the trouble of accumulating all those pennies?

Back to my quandary. Driving to the lake and back would have used up about two dollars in gas — yes, I do blame that on Trump — so I guess that extra $4 that I was paying was really $2 and add a $2 convenience tax for not having me spend a half hour or so driving down to the lake.

But here is my point. Do big outfits like Holiday Inn really have to nickel and dime us to death? I mean, someone at headquarters who is not a bean counter should just say, “What the heck, we are gouging our vacationers at the Ridge enough with high maintenance fees and such inconveniences as no AC in our buildings. Let’s give them a break on the milk.”

Apparently that type of thinking is not in lock step with corporate thinking.

Here is another example of big outfits treating us like morons. Our family recently went to see the Ringling Brothers Circus at the Save Mart Center at Fresno State. Now, I went looking for ice cream, and much to my relief, there weren’t any vendors selling ice cream because — being a moron — I probably would have paid $6 for a tiny ice cream bar.

I did see plenty of saps walking around with 16 ounce cans of Modelo beer that they paid $14 for. I mean, can’t you get an entire six pack of Modelo for about $10 at your local supermarket?

Our one splurge was cotton candy for my grandson — $19.99. Yikes! I just hope that some of that money trickles down to the performers, who were very good and deserved to be paid more than minimum wage.

Just to digress again, “Whatever happened to ‘The Greatest Show on Earth?’” The MC for this one kept telling us every five minutes that we were at “The Biggest Party on Earth!”

Strobe lights, dancing and unbearably loud music had me feeling like I was trapped inside a monstrous video game, which included no elephants or live animal acts, but a very irritating robot dog named Bailey. It did not even do tricks. Oh, I was entertained and annoyed by the whole spectacle all at the same time.

Are we, the customers, just an afterthought nowadays? I recently read that airlines had to raise ticket prices to compensate for the high cost of jet fuel when the Strait of Hormuz was shut down.

And guess what? The airlines have seen no decline in passengers despite the boost in fees and, thus, they will simply keep the increased price of tickets when the cost of jet fuel goes down.

They have already determined that they can charge extra for passengers who want seats with an extra two inches of leg room. Hey, that’s just good ole capitalism at work — charge what the market is willing to pay. I’m just waiting for the first airline to start charging a fee for carry-on luggage. When that happens, they will all follow suit. Oh, it’s coming.

OK, I guess that you have figured it out. I don’t trust corporations and billionaires to give a rat’s a** about us little guys.

But here’s a look at a couple of things closer to home that fall into the category of inconvenient customer service. I don’t often shop at Vons in Oakhurst, and usually when I do it’s just because I only want a couple of things, and after going to the post office I don’t want to drive across Highway 49 to Raley’s.

Well, Vons doesn’t have hand baskets. I brought this to the attention of the store manager a while ago. And he shook his head and explained to me that, “I got tired of having to replace them because customers were taking them out of the store.”

Yes, I imagine that would make me upset, too. Maybe a sign saying, “Please do not take the hand baskets out of the store” would have kept the majority of those baskets in place.

I mean, most of us are honest people and don’t really need shopping baskets at home. Of course, I’m a little cynical. Not having hand baskets and making customers use shopping carts makes the bean counters happy. By using a shopping cart, a customer is more inclined to buy six or seven items instead of just the two or three they went in to buy.

Now for some reason, Raleys doesn’t seem to have this same problem with hand baskets walking out of the store. They have stacks and stacks of them at both entrances. But I’m not letting Raleys off the hook, either.

I recently wanted to purchase a $1.99 pint of chocolate milk — well, 14 ounces now that bean counters figure they can charge the same amount for less food and us morons won’t catch on. I mean a half gallon of ice cream isn’t really a half gallon anymore.

So I went to the self-check kiosk with two one dollar bills in hand and there I stared at the sign, “No cash, just credit or debit.” I mean, just charge us $2 so that the machine doesn’t have to dispense that unfortunate penny that nobody wants.

I nearly walked away, but my chocolate craving got the best of me and I pulled out my credit card. (There was just one real human being clerk at the five check stands and I didn’t want to stand behind the shopping carts to have the one clerk take my $2. Yes, what is it with all the unmanned check stands at grocery stores anymore? )

Oh, that’s right. Bean counters don’t have to pay wages to self-serve kiosks. There was a guy at the kiosk next to me with the same dilemma — just two things in hand. And when he saw the sign, he just made a grimace and stomped off to place the items back in the store.

I was almost tempted to shout after him, “Way to go, man!”

And then you have all these parking spaces close to the stores for people with mobile apps or who are too busy or lazy to do their own shopping.

They can just sit in their cars and have their groceries brought to them. Oh, maybe that is “customer service.” But I’m usually ticked off that I can’t park in those spaces.

Pretty soon there will be robots shopping for these people and the car driver won’t have the hassle of dealing with a real human being. Funny thing, though, whenever I go to Vons or McDonald’s, I rarely see any cars in those spaces.

Maybe if I live to be 98, I will be happy to just place my order on my phone to an AI agent and have a drone air deliver my groceries to my home. Maybe I can keep the basket the food comes in.

Bob Miller is a 48-year resident of the mountain area and a former English teacher, football/baseball coach at Yosemite High School. He keeps his brain sharp as a Q-tip by substitute teaching at the overly ripe age of 78. He enjoys traveling and taking short hikes with his wife and grandkids. And reading such books as “The Cat in the Hat” and Bill Bryson’s “A Walk in the Woods.” He thinks what the world could use in these crazy times is a good laugh. He can be reached at writerbob46@gmail.com.