Choosing to create our current world

As I’m thinking about our cycles, routines and rhythms, I find many people longing for days past, for yesteryear. They’re looking back at the time they were growing up, feeling that it was a much better world, a safer place in which to live and grow.

I often have those thoughts as well. As I’m looking at the whole picture (at least for me), I realize that for one, there weren’t as many people in the world so we weren’t so crowded together. There was more room in which to live and grow.

Our cities and towns have larger populations now and we often feel crowded together. Another subject that is brought up on a regular basis is safety. It was safer “back then.” Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.

Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter whether it was or not — the world we live in today is the world we get to live in. We get to create our world however we choose to create it. Now, that’s not to say that others may or may not try to destroy what we want to create and we’re not talking about that today.

We‘re talking about grieving for “better times” or what we think were better times. If you’re a Baby Boomer, you probably remember the Russian threat, the Civil Defense drills, the Black Panthers, the protests in the 60s (some of which were violent), the Vietnam War, etc.

Maybe our parents weren’t feeling as safe as we thought — maybe they were feeling as threatened then as we may feel now. Perhaps they were grieving for their “better times.”

The fall of the Berlin Wall marked the beginning of the destruction of the Iron Curtain and was one of several events that started the fall of Communism. We’ve grown up and lived through some fairly scary, violent times — we just weren’t affected by them as much as we are today. We were growing up. We felt safe.

Growing up, we didn’t have news and information available to us 24/7. We had the evening news (whichever channel was turned on in your house) and maybe the morning news. That was it. Anything happening between those two times would be reported at the next news broadcast, maybe. Sometimes it took longer than 24 hours to get the news to us.

The internet makes information available 24/7. This means that we have an onslaught of information available all the time, whether we want it or not. If we don’t want it, it takes extra steps to not have it in our faces all the time.

So, of course, we’re looking for “better times” and what there is to compare it to is the past. The past often looks better than the present does — we weren’t involved in the everyday happenings around the world on a 24/7 basis until later in life.

We live in a crazy world. We have a lot of drama thrown at us all day, everyday — what’s happened yesterday, last night, today, right this very minute and it’s presented to us in a dramatic way. It’s done that way on purpose, for a reason. It gets your attention and it fuels fear and anger.

When we fuel our fear and/or anger, we don’t feel good. These are not happy chemicals floating through our bodies having a party. These chemicals wind us up, get us mad and trigger our fight, flight or freeze reaction.

When we’re afraid or scared, we often want to run, to hide. When we’re angry, we often want to lash out and hurt something or someone. Sometimes we do lash out. It doesn’t always turn out to be a good thing for us or anyone else.

So, yes, we’re looking for something better and what we think is better is in our past. We feel the unavailability of our past and grieve for it. Notice when you’re in this space.

It’s not a bad place to be, just notice it’s where you are. Once you notice it, happy memories are available, enjoy them. Once you notice it, positive actions to change your world are also available.

Yes, it’s okay to look back with nostalgia, maybe even some sadness that the world as we knew it isn’t available today. Enjoy your memories of the good times and appreciate them; share them with others. By sharing, those times have a life, they continue to live and be good times.

Maybe it was better, maybe it wasn’t. Remember, we get to create our current world however we choose to create it. We are our own director and producer of our lives.

We can include stories and memories from the past as well as current day events. What do you want to create for the present, the now?

Deni Krauss is a transition and grief coach. She can be reached at deni@denikrausscoaching.com, facebook.com/DeniKrauss, linkedin.com or at (415) 516-3035.