Please, in life just don’t settle

There once was a man searching for a treasure. He wanted to find true love more than anything else in the world.

With earnest pursuit, he fell into one relationship after another, each one leading into dead ends.

It was a weary, disheartening journey. He couldn’t figure out where he was going wrong.

But the day did come. The day when the sun shone a little brighter than the rest … and she appeared.

She was kind, fun and checked almost every single box in his heart — the biggest one being the willingness to build a life with him in his hometown, a place he was fiercely loyal to.

No other woman up to this point was willing to stay with him there. In addition, she was just so easy to talk to and laugh with.

There was nothing missing, in essence. Yet, one little corner of his heart remained strangely reserved, a feeling he brushed aside, believing it couldn’t get any better than this — so he settled in.

Soon after this grand retirement of thought, the man attended the wedding of one of his best friends, where he stood as a groomsman among four others. Also standing amidst four (bridesmaids) was a giddy single woman — outside of herself with excitement.

Her bride-to-be friend had waited so long to become a wife — and she not only witnessed it, she played an active part in it. You, my brilliant reader, can probably see where this is headed.

Yes, when the treasure seeking man first laid eyes on the giddy bridesmaid, he was smitten, and quickly fell deep in love.

It didn’t just seem right this time, it felt right. And that was the piece he was missing all along.

It was the feeling of, “My heart has found its final resting place in another.” This feeling grew and grew, like never before — which led to a proposal followed by a beautiful wedding.

“I almost settled,” he admitted to his new bride.

The man of this true story was my late husband Braden, and so, of course, I was the giddy bridesmaid. This column comes out right around Feb. 19, which would’ve been our 15th wedding anniversary.

Looking back, I can say that although our love story was brief (seven years married), I am so grateful that Braden was contemplative enough to pause, really search his heart and choose me. I’m a better person because of him.

He taught me to be more humble, generous and joyful

— and if somehow I knew beforehand that we’d only have seven years together, and then he’d die … I still would’ve married him … wholeheartedly.

Because that’s what true love does. It loves even through the hurt — and regardless of the cost.

I waited almost 32 years to be married. Not easy, but so worth it. By waiting (although impatiently) for the right one, I was spared a world of disappointment and regret.

So, for anyone still searching for your true love, I encourage you with these words: “Please don’t settle.” Choosing someone who’s “almost” good enough for you is selling yourself short.

The years Braden and I had together were fewer than we’d hoped, but it really doesn’t matter how little time was given to us. In the end, we both got to experience the gift of true love — which not everybody finds — and it was beautiful.

It was a love not cheapened by compromise. There was no guesswork or quiet reservation.

We felt fully, undeniably at home with each other … a treasure in itself.

Dedicated to Braden. Happy 15th Anniversary.
Heaven’s beyond blessed to have you.

Jessica Varney is a single mom who lives in Mariposa County and is cofounder of the local group Widows/Widowers in Need (W.I.N.). She is also a lover of everything about life — and chocolate. She can be reached at jlajoie79@sbcglobal.net.