Jessica Varney
The paranoia trap is real these days. I’ve been feeling it often — this ominous hover. It’s frankly exhausting and unnecessary.
Paranoia over what you ask? Not to be overly dramatic, but … staying alive.
Observe “the regular day.” Tell me if this doesn’t sound absurd.
Before I even wake up, I’m already pinned as a victim. My bedsheets, mattress and pillows are likely “off-gassing” formaldehyde, and full of flame retardants and synthetic dyes — all chemicals that can cause cancer.
The solution? Organic cotton materials (as pesticide sprays used in conventional cotton are probable carcinogens).
I roll out of bed and place my feet on the plush carpet. Ahhhhhh.
Wait. Oh no. The carpet. Chemicals. Cancer.
I chose carpet in the bedrooms because I didn’t want to deal with dust bunnies under the bed. Hmmm … dust bunnies, or cancer? Guess I didn’t think that one through too well.
A yawn erupts as I grab my cell phone off the nightstand and pull it off the charger.
Oopsy.
I’m not supposed to be charging my phone overnight, or keeping it in close proximity. Electromagnetic fields! DNA damage! Overheating and circadian rhythm disruption!
At this point, I’m so tired of overthinking everything, I’m ready to go back to sleep in my cancerous bed. But I can’t. I have to pee.
Of course I just learned that holding your urine in allows toxins to remain in the bladder … contributing to bladder cancer. Your cleaning products can also contribute to various cancers.
And skip the air freshener spray. You can guess why. Trade it in for “poo-pourri,” the “before you go” essential oil toilet spray. Poop in peace, people.
So I’m now vertical, and relieved, (of urine — not cancer scares), and as I’m dressing, my clothes scream: “My fabrics are hormone disrupters linked to cancer!” I then Google how to plant a cotton field and start a sheep farm, because again, the recommendation is … natural fibers.
I manage to silence the negative mental banter and get on with it, but then gaze over at my dirty laundry hamper. Ugh.
Into the laundry room I go as I pour out chemical laden laundry soap paired with remorseful guilt into the washing machine. Apparently I’ve been poisoning my family, one laundry load at a time.
“Use soaps and softeners with no dyes or perfumes,” they tell us. Or else.
The litany of body beautification and household cleansing products containing “the bad stuff” seem endless. Basically, anything introduced onto or into the human body is suspect for cancer.
It doesn’t help that we’re barraged with fear tactics from cosmeceutical companies that create panic purchasing. They scare us into thinking if we don’t use 100 percent organic products all the time, that we’re going to get cancer — yet even “natural” products aren’t as safe as they claim.
They count on consumers mistaking “natural” for “healthy,” and assuming things that simply aren’t guaranteed.
So are we supposed to read labels the rest of our lives? I’d rather not have to, but I almost feel compelled to. We certainly can’t count on cosmetic companies to think of our best interests — because unlike certain food and drugs, personal care products are not required to divulge the harmful byproducts and carcinogens they may contain.
The next stop is over to the kitchen for a relaxing cup of coffee — only organic of course. No synthetic pesticides. Richer in antioxidants. More heart healthy.
I then open my fridge. Voices again: “Avoid processed meats. Watch the grilled foods. Two-thirds of your plate should be veggies, fruits and whole grains.”
My kids would emaciate with all this advice. It’s pickypants central over here. I mean, is there really life after hot dogs, pizza and boxed mac-n-cheese? The nitrates work well for self-preservation in the meantime, right?
In addition to everything in the fridge, we’re told there’s toxic chemicals in our dishes and cookware too — like BPA (another endocrine disruptor) and microplastics. Yay.
In a perfect world, everything we own and eat would be organic … but organic isn’t always affordable, and even then, there’s still dozens of other things we have little control over that can cause harm — like contaminants in the air we breathe.
It just feels like everyday life has become a hazard zone. On the practical side of thinking though, worry and stress are immensely toxic too — and like chemicals, make us vulnerable to many diseases.
So what in the world are we to do?
I like the old adages: “Everything in moderation,” and, “Don’t take life too seriously — no one gets out of it alive.”
I don’t want to let fear run or ruin my life. In this anxiety-stricken world, I’ll make the best choices I can, and accept that perfection isn’t possible.
I want to set my home atmosphere to reflect a haven of calm and joy — not terror over every item used inside.
So cheers to the New Year — escaping the wellness paranoia, and creating a healthier, happier you!
Jessica Varney is a single mom who lives in Mariposa County and is cofounder of the local group Widows/Widowers in Need (W.I.N.). She is also a lover of everything about life — and chocolate. She can be reached at jlajoie79@sbcglobal.net.
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